I've been married three years, I'm out of school and in my own place with my husband, we're fairly settled into our own little independent life. Any of those reasons may be perfectly fine reasons for a couple to start having kids.
Note: I'm only 23 years old.
Extra Note: I also live on a military base.
It feels like a large majority of the 23 year olds here are raising #1 and working on baby #2 or #3 by now. The military is the only environment where this conversation will happen.
Teri: Hi nice to meet you.
Person: Hi. You have kids?
Teri: Oh no, just me and Jeff.
Person: How old are you?
Teri: 23.
Person: What are you waiting for?!Another note: I've had this exact same conversation every year since I turned 21 and moved in with my husband.
Seriously.
Because I'm surrounded by baby factories and happy little military families, it's easy to get sucked into that lovely little world of let's make a baby.
Because it's not the right time for us right now, and because in reality (military land is not always so realistic) neither of us really wants to start giving up our free time for spit up and screaming, I need a dose of parenting reality from time to time. I've spent enough time with and around kids to understand it's not all giggles and milestones. That cute little newborn finds his lungs pretty quickly and your sleep is never the same. I know all this, but of course it's easy to forget in my quiet and clean apartment.
Here's some reality I found recently that makes me laugh:
http://jasongood.net/blog/2011/03/day-63-scared-straight/
http://jasongood.net/365/2011/05/day-126/
Want a baby now? I don't.
And if I ever need to remember why my husband and I are in no rush to start making a little family of troublesome boys (I'm expecting 3 or 4 little monsters just like Jeff and his brothers...), I do work with children all day long. On rough days, I hold onto that little nugget of truth that I'll be able to hand them over to parents in a few hours and go home and take a np. Or sit on the couch and do absolutely nothing. Like right now...
I love this post. You're right, military land is not realistic.
ReplyDeleteTruthfully, my man and I are not ready to get married. If we were living back in California, we'd have no pressure to tie the knot while we're living together. None of our friends are anywhere close. But in military land, where we currently reside, the pressure for marriage builds. Everyone is married and often times I feel like an outsider. I have to explain my story to the wives club and ignore the "why are you following him around if you're not married?" statements. Yet the decision is ours, and we'll do it on our own time (not because we're pressured to do so).
I'm proud you're sticking to your guns as well!
I am 23...raising our one daughter who is 9 months old...we did not plan it and we have better birth control then the last time. She wasn't planned and I don't want to keep having children in succession but I don't feel bad for being only 23 and raising a child as a military wife.
ReplyDeleteI am well educated, went to college, I teach music from home...I think it's all about personal preference. Though a lot of military families do have children one after another in the neighborhood we live in, it's not always the case.
By the way I love the links...they are so true. I threaten to sell my daughter to the Russians all the time...
ReplyDeleteCame to look at life in Misawa... we just got orders there (woo hoo!). I'm 33, have a 2-year old, and I'm an elementary school teacher. I'm sooooo sick of being asked when we're having another (not for a while, if ever) and explaining why I teach... ummm, because I love it, I did it before I got married, and just because my husband is in the military doesn't mean I have to sit on my ass at home!
ReplyDelete